The last thing most people want in their lives is to face the fact that they can no longer care for themselves. To lose one’s independence is devastating to many.

For many years, my dad used to say that when he could no longer physically go fishing, that it was time to build a pine box and put him in it. He lived to fish and when he retired, he moved to the mountains of east central Arizona where he was closer to the trout lakes he loved to fish. He tied his own flies and many will attest to the fact that if anyone could catch fish, it was my dad. He was also known as being the only person driving through town with his boat, heading for the lake, when the ground was covered with snow.

He was hit by a guy who ran a red light. The accident damaged his lower spine and he began losing control and strength in his legs. He got the point where he couldn’t walk or stand without help and then not at all. He was confined to home and he deteriorated over the next couple of years.

At one point, my mom, who also in her 80s at the time, could no longer physically care for dad, and they ended up in an assisted living facility, out of necessity. Dad told me on more than one occasion that he was just waiting to die because he had a full life and didn’t want to continue living like that. He did not want to be in a nursing home and neither did my mom.

He got his wish on June 15, 2014 (Father’s Day) when he passed that night and mom got her wish as she passed away less than 10 months after dad did.

When I was in college, I worked in the top-rated nursing home in our city. I was a night orderly on the intensive care ward while going to school in the day. I had opportunity to talk to a number of residents, at least those who were still mentally lucid and none of them said they wanted to be there.

One resident, who I will never forget, Mr. Clausen, often said how much he just wanted to spend his last days at home. He had suffered a stroke and was totally paralyzed on his left side. Neither of his two sons wanted to care for him, so they set up a trust fund and put him in the nursing home. That was eight years before I worked there and he hadn’t seen or heard from his sons once he arrived at the nursing home.

These experiences have made a strong impression on me to point that I would rather die than end up in a nursing home. Given the choice, what you prefer?

According to one report, 56% of people aged 57-61 will spend at least 1 night in a nursing home during their lifetime. That is a frightening fact for many.

I’m not alone in not wanting to be put in a nursing home. A recent survey revealed that 71% of people who could afford it, said they would rather pay family to care for them than to be put in a nursing home.

More revealing in the survey was that 56% of those who responded said they would rather die than be put in a nursing home. Some of the reason is the high cost of nursing home care and other is that they don’t want to be a burden (financially or physically) on their family.

Given the choice, what would you choose?